Real Estate, Divorce, and a Fresh Start: Amy Slate on the Divorce Detox Podcast
The marital home. Other than custody, it is arguably the most emotionally loaded topic in any divorce. It carries the weight of memories, identity, financial uncertainty, and for many women, the terrifying question of what comes next.
Amy Slate, The Breakup Broker, gets it. Not just professionally, but personally. After being surprised with her own divorce while managing a portfolio of investment properties across the country and in Europe, Amy had a moment of clarity: if navigating the real estate side of divorce was this overwhelming for someone who does it for a living, what was it like for everyone else?
In this episode of Divorce Detox, Amy joins certified divorce coach Lisa Happ and family law attorney Jolee Vacchi for one of the most practical and refreshingly candid conversations about divorce and real estate you will find anywhere. They cover everything from the emotional ties that make it so hard to let go of the family home, to how Amy vets and connects women with agents anywhere in the country, to the real cost of fighting over a dining room table in legal fees. And yes, her services are completely free.
“Divorce Detox features raw, unfiltered conversations with Divorce Coach Lisa Happ and Family Law Attorney Jolee Vacchi. Learn how to cope, heal and thrive while navigating the inherently flawed family court system. Enjoy candid conversations with the hosts and their expert guests as they discuss the dirty details about divorce and co-parenting.
It's time for Divorce Detox.
Welcome to Divorce Detox with Lisa and Jolee. We host a weekly podcast where we dish all about the dirty details of divorce, co-parenting and how to co-peel and thrive while navigating the inherently flawed family court system and separating from your ex.
We are your hosts, certified divorce coach, Lisa Happ of Lisa Happ Coaching and family law attorney, Jolee Vacchi, the founding attorney of Foundations Family Law and Mediation Center. This is episode number 86 of the Divorce Detox Podcast. Today, we are so happy to be joined by licensed realtor and consultant, Amy Slate.
Amy created her company, The Breakup Broker, to take on the responsibility for real estate transactions in your divorce, so you can focus on your family and personal health. She has a truly innovative business model that I am so excited to introduce you to today. Welcome to the Divorce Detox Podcast, Amy.
Thank you so much for having me. I'm blushing a little at that description.
We are so excited you're here because I think Jolee would definitely agree that is one of the most, other than maybe one of the partners cheating and betrayal, the most stressful, emotionally tied, I think kids like us too but like emotionally tied. It's the home because it all goes into the grief and the kids and the loss of identity. So you were found like the perfect way to help people that are going through the most stressful time in their lives.
How did you get here? What brought you to start doing this and brought you where you are today?
Buckle up, ladies. And I apologize. I think I let you know before the show, like I'm coming over a cold, so I sound a little more gravelly than normal, but here we go.
So about two years ago, I was surprised with my own divorce and being in real estate, and we were real estate investors. So we had a portfolio of properties across the country as well as in Europe. And I'm now like managing the cognitive load of divorce and thinking about like what needs to get sold, what needs to get managed, what gets divided, all these things.
And I had this moment. Can I swear on this podcast? One day, I had this, holy shit, this is super stressful for me, and I do it for a living.
And so like, how do these non-real estate investor agent women going through this, how are they even managing this process? Right? Absolutely.
Simultaneously, I'm in the Facebook Divorce Groups, and women are asking questions, and well-intentioned community members are typing away and giving them advice and guidance. And I'm like, no, that's not right. No, what this?
No. Every situation is so unique that I appreciate those women sharing their experience, but it may not be applicable to the woman asking the question. And one day I just said, I need to fix this.
This is a problem. It's not okay. The marital home is such a huge asset, especially for those of us who live in Massachusetts.
It's a chunk of money. It is a huge part of the marital estate, and these women need to make a decision about it. And no one was doing that.
There are plenty of agents who are there to help you sell it, but I didn't see enough agents who are there on the front end bringing in their expertise and just lending guidance and support and empowering these women to make the decision that's best for them. So as they say, I woke up one morning and The Breakup Broker was born.
I'm so excited for everyone to find out about your business because I think it fills such a much-needed gap. I want people to understand what the difference is between your business and just any other real estate agent that's out there, Amy. So can you tell us what is the differentiators between The Breakup Broker and someone you might have used to purchase your house when you got married?
What makes it different?
Sure. No shade on all those other agents who help through a divorce transaction. I just approach it very differently.
I literally come in just as a guide. I just want to help you A, collect the information that you need to make a decision. Some of these women don't even know if they're on the D to the home, helping you identify what you need to know, figuring out how to get it, and then talking through a three bucket method, which needs to be refined because three bucket is not glamorous, but let's talk through emotionally.
Where are you? Do you want to keep the house or do you want to burn it down? Where do you stand in terms of that?
Financially, can you keep the house? Should you sell the house? Let's talk about the money situation.
Very high level. I'm not a financial advocate or any of that. I'm not an attorney.
And then logistical, do you need to stay where you are because the kids are in school, because your support system is there, or are you retired, empty nest, or do you want to move to Arizona? Let's talk through all these pieces and figure out what that next plan is. And nine times out of ten, it's not selling the house, right?
It's either getting bought out, it's dividing it up somehow. There are so many options for these women, and I think so many agents jump to getting divorced, you have to sell the house. That's just like the default.
And maybe, right? That might be the right decision, but let's talk it through and let's make a decision that feels right for you based on all the information we have or can get. So I come in really early and I'm not about the transaction.
I'm about helping these women feel empowered and educated in making a decision right for them.
That is so amazing. So you're not there to sell the home for them because then you have to be in a specific location. So you really can work absolutely anywhere.
Yeah. So I'm licensed personally in Massachusetts and Florida. So if a woman comes to me and the decision is to sell the house and they're in one of those two states, like I'm happy to help if that feels like the right fit.
But I have calls with women across the country and across the globe on a regular basis. And let's say someone's in Seattle and they get to the decision where they're like, yep, we're going to sell. I then take on the burden of finding them an agent because when you're going through divorce, your brain is mush and you don't need one more thing in your to do list.
I know how to filter out the bullshit. I know how to find an agent who can be great in what might be an emotionally charged situation. I know the questions to ask, and so I go out and find that agent for them and make that connection.
So it's just one less thing for them to worry about.
So you're really filling the role of more of a consulting and then like a concierge. This is what it's sounding like to me, Amy. Is that right?
Yeah, and I will say even though I'm a year and a half into building this business, my story is evolving and how I tell that story, and the more I talk to people in the space, that is the word that comes up a lot, is a concierge or a consultant, that I'm here to just make the connections and help you support the process and figure it out, and just take some of the burden off your plate and make your life easier.
So amazing. It is one of the hardest things when it comes to the home, I find, is getting both parties to agree on an agent to use. They don't want to use somebody's friend, family, which I totally understand, but it can create a lot of contention, a lot of control dynamics and a coercive control relationship.
So having somebody like you come in and be like, here is a person that isn't gonna, isn't a used car salesman, because I mean, no offense, but some agents are so damn shady that there's so many weird dynamics there. I'm a little biased, but that way, there's just so much going on there. I think some of those agents here divorce and take advantage of that.
So having somebody come in who is like, I'm gonna wade through the bullshit. I'm gonna wade through the sketchy ones, the shady ones, the ones that are gonna try to hook up with you because you're going to divorce. We're gonna get rid of all these people and we're just gonna find you the best person for you during this time.
It's so amazing.
And I stay involved. It's not like, okay, here's your agent in Seattle, have a nice life. You know, I had a woman in Alabama recently and I connected her with a couple agents because we just needed to do a market evaluation.
And she came back to me kind of sidebar and said, okay, I mean, like I had these three agents come through the house and here's one market report, here's another, here's another. And so I looked them over and I was like, first of all, agent A didn't even tell you this. Second of all, agent B is $100,000 off the first two.
Like, let's figure this out, let's dial this in a little bit. Here's where I as an expert can see those things that you, as a woman going through divorce, who's in cognitive overload, isn't going to know to look for or even like be able to identify.
Oh, that's awesome, because in divorce, there's so much decision fatigue already. I mean, my clients are having to answer questions from our office all day long about, what do you want to do about the parenting schedule? What do you want to do about the retirement accounts?
I need these financial documents. Please review this pleading from me because I need to file them from the court. There's all these demands on them, unfortunately, throughout this process.
This is something that you, like you said, can take off of their plate and they get the benefit of your expertise because this isn't something that a lay person has. That's the added benefit as well. It's just such an added benefit to them.
It's so wonderful. This is why I'm so excited about your business.
Thank you, thank you. And I think, I mean, everyone says that I'll have to change this at some point, but like my services are free. As someone who has spent a lot of money on my own divorce, like I didn't have it in my heart to be like, so pay me 500 bucks.
Like this is what I do for a living. I would do this for anyone who was like, hey, I'm thinking about selling my house. Like I sent an email to my list last week about like, here are all the things I did this week and made no money doing them.
Right? Like that's just the nature of real estate. And so I said, why can't I take that energy and like direct it toward a really, really good kind of need?
Because I'm not going to make money on some things anyway. So I might as well do something that brings me joy.
Amazing. That was going to be my next question. It's like, how do you work with people?
And that is so amazing because there is so much cost and expense from like the second you get divorced. So knowing somebody is like in it and in your corner, especially when you have an asset like a house, there's no... And when people are going to do it especially for her, so they are kind of be pretty suspicious of people.
So it really takes all that off the table. And they just know that you're there for them to help them. That's amazing.
Yeah, I had a call recently and it was a tearful, stressful call. I mean, they're all a little stressful for the person calling. But by the end, you could just feel the relief.
And then she said, OK, like, how much is this? How do I pay you? And I said, like nothing.
And she just like started sobbing because, I mean, we all are just used to paying to get through this process. And full disclosure, like, if and when someone decides to sell a house and I get them an agent in Seattle or Cleveland, that agent pays me a referral fee. So I do make money kind of indirectly.
But like from like my pure consultative concierge services are zero dollars.
Wow.
This is why we need to spread the word. I'm so glad we have you on here. This is fantastic and such an advantage for our listeners to know about.
So let's talk about the home. Because as Lisa started out, when we were just at the top of this episode, the home is such an emotional topic for people. And it's one that my clients, I have so much difficulty speaking with them about.
Because as the attorney, we need to know to be able to negotiate on their behalf. Do you want to stay? Do you want to go?
Are we doing a buyout? Are we doing a sale? Do we need to find out where you're going to live?
So we're worried about what your next housing option is going to be. And this is the one where clients go back and forth. They change their mind.
We're going down path A. And then at the 11th hour, we decide to take a detour to path Z. So what is it about the home and housing that you think in your experience just brings all this chaos and overwhelm?
Like, what do you think, Amy?
It's definitely super emotional, right? Like, it's the space you're in 20 hours a day if you work from home, if not more, and you built memories there and you had, you know, the holidays over at that table and your kids, you scratch their height on the door frames and all those things often, right? And I think that's part of it.
And I also think the uncertainty of not remaining in that home is super stressful because already divorce is uncertain, custody is uncertain. Like, all these things are in flux. And so many women default to, I just need to keep this one thing the same.
I can't change this one thing. And oftentimes, that's like, yes, you can. And it's going to be awesome when you get that new place and you move that to that new thing.
But the emotions about it are super hard. And that's why I try and talk through some of the more like black and white logistics, finances. And yes, emotions play a role in that.
“But let's look at the whole picture, right? And sure, you've had, you know, Thanksgiving dinner at that table for the last 25 years. That doesn't mean you're not gonna have Thanksgiving ever again.
And I'm super like heart-centered and trauma-informed. And like, I never go, well, get over it, lady. Like, that's not my style.
But there is a little bit of tough love sometimes of like, let's talk about this. Like, let's talk about, okay, like, I hear you. This is where you're coming from, this emotional place about the house.
I think that's part of it. I also think, again, the finances, right? You know, the median home price in greater Boston is something that we, is disgusting.
And so thinking like, can I even pay this mortgage on my own? Or can I buy out my partner? Like those numbers are just so daunting that it just adds to the emotional overwhelm and makes what's already complicated more stressful and emotional.
“Absolutely. And having that life. Like, so you're buying this house out at this astronomical price.
How much do you have to work? What do you have to give up? Like, what is your life going to be like?
If you're stressed all the time to pay for this stupid house at the end of the day, that yeah, you may not have Thanksgiving there for 25 years, but you also probably had some low out fights with your partner. They were probably making a huge ass hat to you half the time in that house. So thinking about that, what else went down in there?
Yeah, you had Thanksgiving, but did you have to listen to your mother-in-law bitch for four hours every Thanksgiving about the turkey, right?
Like 100 percent.
What kind of vibes are lurking around in that space, right? It may be a fresh start and a clean slate and an opportunity for you to actually make your own home and your own space and decorate to your liking. Yeah, that's something.
“It might be an untapped opportunity that you might not have considered before. Divorce Detox is sponsored by Lisa Happ Coaching and Foundations Family Law and Mediation Center. Lisa Happ is a certified divorce, narcissistic abuse, grief and life coach.
She guides women in abusive, toxic and narcissistic relationships through the divorce process and beyond to help transform and transmute their fear around their divorce and leaving a relationship to confidence and calmness. Together with Lisa, you can clear the fog and emotional chaos you're experiencing by setting boundaries, finding your voice and reclaiming life and your power. No matter where you are in the process, she is here to support you every step of your way.
You can find her at lisahapp.com.
Foundations Family Law and Mediation Center is a solutions-oriented boutique law firm based in Worcester County, Massachusetts. They represent clients, and mediate divorces in both Massachusetts and Rhode Island. The philosophy of Foundations Family Law is to resolve family law conflicts as painlessly and peacefully as possible.
They firmly believe that something beautiful can be made from something broken, and they will be with you every step of the way to build a solid foundation for the future you deserve filled with freedom, stability, and peace of mind. If this resonates with you and what you were looking for in a family law attorney or mediator, be sure to check out Foundations Family Law online at foundationsfamilylaw.com.
Lisa is extremely generous and is offering a free coaching session for all new Foundations Family Law divorce clients. And the magic really happens for our clients when they choose to work with both of us through our Divorce Detox Signature Program. If you retain Foundations Family Law for your legal matter and purchase a coaching package with Lisa Happ Coaching, you will get a free bi-monthly call with both of us to ensure that your legal strategy and emotional healing are in alignment and helping you to reach your ultimate goals.
Do you see, Amy, a lot of people renting after divorce or like what are the trends? Yes.
I mean, again, specifically Massachusetts, because the market is so insane, that is often a next step and that's a process I support as well, because for many of these women, they're like, I don't have a rental history. They get the rental application and they're like, I don't have landlord references, I don't have all these things or their stay-at-home moms, they don't have a salary. I also help them because I've been through it, I help them fill out that application and ask the right questions and massage things so that they can get an apartment.
Because the application is black and white, but there's nuances and there are ways to work your magic and get these women apartments. Just knowing how to write the information, how to ask the questions, and as an agent, I can reach out to the other agent of the land and I'm like, hey, I have this amazing person who wants to rent your apartment. Sometimes it just takes that handholding to get you to that next step.
But yes, to answer your question, I think buying a new place, super expensive, super daunting, on top of just like everything else that just went down, I often encourage, like, just let the dust settle. Just let, yes, you'll have to move twice. It's annoying.
Okay, great. But like, let the dust settle before you maybe jump into the next thing. Some women are like, nope, I'm out of here.
I'm moving to Florida. Here's my place. Help me.
Like, we're good. But for those who are uncertain, I don't ever want them to commit to a new house when they're in that space of uncertainty. And I don't want to say they can't make a decision, but they might be a little cloudy around decision making.
Yeah, and so much can change. Look at how much change maybe in the last year that brought you here. Like, so much is going to change in their lives in a year or two years unless you're fully sold on it.
Maybe give yourself some freedom you never had. It's an ability to pick up a move again. I mean, moving sucks, but think about how much crap you get rid of when you move.
It's like the best way to clean out your closet ever.
And all those memories, right? Like, you're cleaning, you're purging, you're dumping stuff at Goodwill, good riddance to a lot of it. Because there are happy memories in every marriage and all that.
But some of it's garbage and needs to go.
Yeah, exactly. Get rid of the shit.
So Amy, one of the really tricky parts about when a couple decides to sell the house during a divorce is, yeah, what's going to happen to all the stuff? And a lot of times, they can't agree on it. And so they want to involve the attorneys.
And I just think it's such a waste of their financial resources to pay our rates to do this. So if you are hired by divorcing parties, is this something that you help them do? Do you help them with getting the dumpsters, organizing the yard sales?
How do you navigate when you have divorcing parties, selling a house, and there's just issues that naturally come up?
Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to be over there packing boxes and putting yard sales stickers on things, but I definitely have just general outlines I can share. But here's high level, here's what I need you to do to get your house ready to sell.
Let's just break it down room by room, baby step by baby step. Unfortunately, 94 percent of the time, it's the woman who ends up doing all the work. That's just the way it is.
But I'm here to just support the process. As someone who has moved a lot and helped clients move a lot, I can give you the tools and help you understand, like, okay, day one, let's just do this. Let's just tackle the kitchen and get rid of those 19 spatulas that you don't need anymore kind of thing.
And I also have a Rolodex to really date myself of people who can help decluttering, packing, downsizing, all the things, right? So there are experts who are a lot cheaper than an attorney to come in and help you figure out, do we keep the toaster or get rid of it because it's a piece of junk. Right?
Yeah, I love that. It's a fighting that I feel like I've told this story in here. Like this one woman I worked with, she knows we were fighting over this table, this dining room table, and it was in that Kia table.
I'm like, you guys have probably spent $10,000 on a $400 table in attorneys. Do you get stuck unravelling that, especially when there's a difficult partner and you're trying to negotiate the kitchen table with them? How do you deal with that?
I mean, you try and be as objective as you can. It's not my business, it's not my table, but let's look at it. Who really wants, what's the actual issue here?
Because as you know, it's not the table. And I'm not a divorce coach, so I don't provide that kind of guidance, but let's figure out five years from now, are you gonna be sad you don't have that table? Probably not.
Yeah, in my experience, I also think it's usually the woman who takes on the majority of the burden of doing the house sale preparation. And I think part of it is because a lot of time, it's the woman who is in the marital home because the husband has moved out or relocated. So sometimes it naturally falls on the woman to get stuck with all that stuff.
“I will say if you are in this position and you are in court, it's really important to get orders that say, you're going to split the home sale preparation cost. So that's something that you'll barely want to consider. But I hear my clients and I validate their feelings because they want some kind of, I don't know, some recognition from the court that they've done the lion's share of the labor.
And unfortunately, they're never going to get that. Their partner might have not lifted a finger and if they're going to split the net proceeds equitably, like 50-50, he's still going to get his 50 percent, unfortunately. But at the end of the day, if it helps you get divorced and on to your next chapter, it's always worth it in the end.
But I hear you and I validate you and it's just, it sucks. There is no justice that's found in family court. So that's all I can say about that point, unfortunately.
And I always think like if they are pretty unhelpful in the marriage in the whole day, everything fell to you, it's going to fall to you in the home sale too.
Yeah, you're right, Lisa. It's just a continuation of the division of responsibilities during the marriage. And it also reinforces why you were moving forward with this divorce process.
So there you go.
Maybe it's the last thing you have to clean up for this ding dong this time. It's the last thing you're going to have to do and pick up their slack for, hopefully.
To get you over that and get you your next fresh start in your new chapter and all the amazingness that is in store.
So Amy, do you have any tips for people who are considering listing their home for divorce? I mean, in this kind of market that we're in, people needing to do major repairs or things selling hotcakes and it's just really staging and minor things. I'm sure it depends, but what are some general things that you're seeing?
I will only speak to Massachusetts and Florida because that's the market that I know the most. But there are trends across the country in most places too. It's not the crazy wild 92 offer world we saw a few years ago.
It's still very strong, but I think buyers can be more discerning now. So I'm thinking, let's say you had a roof leak and there's a water stain. The roof is fixed, but the water stain is still there.
A buyer is going to come in and be like, well, what's going on there? They're going to question it. Where you could have taken five minutes and some white paint and fix that and no one would have ever been the wiser.
So I definitely, with any seller, especially Divorce, where we just want this to be smooth, I would always do a walkthrough room by room, literally every single room and be like, okay, here are the like, absolutely, you have to do this for us to sell this place or these are the nice to haves and this is like really amazing list. And it's hard because during those times, people are so overwhelmed already with responsibilities and they're shuttling kids between houses and all the things that I try and be cognizant of. I don't want to overwhelm this person with tasks for the home.
But at the same time, I know if they do these 10 things, we're going to have a much easier sale and a much higher price point, right? And so if you, even getting handyman, right? If they can't do it, I'm like, here's my handyman.
You get him in for the day, he'll knock out all 10 of those things in no time. And that's going to get you 50 grand more on the market or whatever that number is. So I think there are definitely some required things that may need to be, honestly required, but unless your house is already brand new and you've lived there for a day, there's going to be some wear and tear, there's going to be some things that probably deferred maintenance that a discerning buyer coming in to drop half a million dollars in greater Boston or more is going to say, you know what?
I don't like that that door doesn't shut all the way or whatever.
It makes so much sense and I know the list is so overwhelming because I work with these people every day and then it comes down to who's going to pay the handyman and I'm going to set up the handyman. There's so many parts and pieces to it, but I always recommend, oh God, hire the handyman, hire the person to do it. It's taking your sweat equity out.
Like Jolee said, you're not getting justice, you're not getting more money out of the sale. So take the money, take it out of American funds or both split it and pay for your peace of mind. Pay for your peace, pay for your freedom.
I mean, and to your point, having been there, like the amount of legal fees I've paid to settle up, like, well, who's going to pay for the cleaning fee of the house that I sold? Right. Like, I've just paid three times the cleaning fee in legal fees.
Exactly. Absolutely.
Here's 300 bucks. Have a good time.
Exactly.
Yeah. Pick your battles. Yeah.
So Amy, where can everybody find you? Because I'm sure our audience is going to want to follow you and connect with you.
Oh, yes. So I am at thebreakupbroker.com, which is going through a rebrand. April 1 is our new launch date.
It's going to be amazing and incredible. And I can't wait. Currently on all the socials, I am at The Amy Slate.
So you can find me there. I'm one of only two Amy Slates in the country. The other one owns a scuba diving resort in Florida.
So if you Google Amy Slate, you'll probably find me, unless you're looking for scuba diving, then I would call the other one.
That's amazing. So amazing. I'm so excited for my clients to start working with you.
You take so much stress out of such a difficult situation. I'm just excited for everybody to meet you. Thank you.
And that is what brings me joy. I mean, like real estate is sales at the end of the day, and you can make a lot of money and have a great business. But like, I need to feel good about what I do at the end of the day when I put my head on the pillow, and this helps fill that for me.
Thank you so much for the work that you do and for coming on to talk with us about it and for being in our circle and for just for everything. We're so grateful for you. Thank you to our listeners for tuning in and please check back in with us next time.
Take care. Bye. Thank you.
Thanks so much for tuning in to Divorce Detox with Lisa and Jolee. If you enjoyed the show and want to help us create more content, please be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts and leave us a five-star review. You can also follow us on Instagram at Divorce Detox Pod.
Please note that the information shared during the podcast is for informational purposes only and does not create any type of attorney client or coach client relationship. Please consult with a licensed attorney in your jurisdiction for legal advice specific to your case.
From Divorce Detox with Lisa and Jolee: Your Divorce Real Estate Concierge, Mar 22, 2026
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