Real Estate Advice From The Breakup Broker with Amy Slate
Divorce doesn't just upend your relationships — it upends your roof, your mortgage, and every real estate decision you've been avoiding. And when fear, financial abuse, and coercive control are part of the picture, figuring out what to do with your home can feel utterly paralyzing.
Amy Slate, the Breakup Broker, knows that feeling firsthand. After her own unexpected divorce left her packing up her cats and driving back to Boston to rebuild her life from scratch, she turned her eight years of real estate expertise into something deeply purposeful: a free, supportive resource for women navigating the housing side of divorce.
In this episode of The Awakening on the Going Bold and Going Solo Network, Amy sits down with divorce coach specialist Tina Huggins to talk about coercive control, the real questions divorcing women ask about their homes, why "you can't afford it" deserves a second look, and why assembling the right team early can change everything.
Transcript:
Hello and welcome to my show, The Awakening, here on WGSNDB, the Going Bold and Going Solo Network. The information and opinions expressed on this show are just that — the opinions of the individual speaking based on their individual personal experience. They are not intended to diagnose and do not constitute professional advice or recommendations.
So, you know the pain, stress, and struggle that divorcing people go through. Well, there is a way to find peace and sanity and assist the lawyer — and this all helps save thousands of dollars in processing your legal fees. My name is Tina Huggin. I'm your divorce coach specialist, divorce consultant, restorative family mediator, and conflictual co-parenting coach. And my guest today is Amy Slate.
Amy is an experienced real estate agent with a passion for helping others through life transitions. She created the Breakup Broker to fill a much-needed niche. Her calm demeanor, extensive knowledge, and natural teaching ability make her a trusted partner for clients in need of guidance and support with their real estate transactions while simultaneously going through a divorce. So Amy, welcome and thank you for joining us today.
Amy: Thanks for having me.
So, I've talked with Amy before and we had a really good divorce conversation. As Amy prepped for coming on, she actually shared some of her information — her experience and the reason why she started the Breakup Broker, which I thought is just a wonderful name. So Amy, tell us a little bit about why you ended up back in Boston and opening up such an interesting real estate office.
Amy: Sure. It has been a wild ride, that's for sure. I'm originally from New England. I was in Massachusetts for almost probably 15 years before moving to Florida, where I was with my then-husband for three years. And one day he came home from a trip abroad and said, "We're done here." And I was like, "Okay." As you know, your world gets turned upside down and you spend some days eating oyster crackers in the guest room — and then you pull your boots on and you figure it out.
So I packed up my stuff and my cats and drove back to Boston, where I am now, and had some reflective moments. I said, "Okay, I'm the only paycheck now. I've got to pay all my bills. I've got to figure this out. I've got to build my business." I'd been out of Massachusetts for a bit, so I had to rebuild my clientele and my network. And while I was doing that, I was in Facebook groups and support groups for women going through divorce. So many of them had questions about: Do I sell the house? Do I have to sell the house? How do I sell the house? Can I buy something? Do I need to rent? All these real estate questions.
And I was thinking — these are the same questions I'm having, but I do it for a living, and it's only this stressful for me. For these women, it was exponentially more so. And so I started thinking, okay, I've got to rebuild my business, and there's this population of women that could really benefit from my knowledge and expertise and just my way of being in the world — listening, understanding, being supportive. And one morning I woke up and said, "The Breakup Broker — it's happening." I've been working on that since mid to late last year, really honing in on what do these women need, how do I connect with them, how do I build networks to support them. It's one of those turning lemons into lemonade kind of stories, I guess.
Tina: So in the discussions that we've had, you talk about coercive control. Can you explain what that is for our viewers?
Amy: I am not the textbook — I don't know the clinical definition — but I will give you my experience. During my marriage, a lot of it was probably happening that I wasn't acknowledging as that. And as I continue to unpack it in therapy, I'm like, "Oh, that was that. Oh, that was that." But what's more front and center for me right now is that he very quickly drained all of our bank accounts and moved all of our joint money into accounts only he could access. That financial control. He's been dragging his feet on signing documents so we can't sell some of our properties. He's not being responsive. He's being very adversarial and very threatening.
I vividly remember — it was around May of last year — I was at a girlfriend's house and I got an email saying, "Return the garage door opener," because I had left with my car and it was on the visor. It was the last thing on my mind. I ignored it. I still own the home. I have access. The next day I got a nastier one. He was doubling down. The third day, another one even nastier. And it seems so petty now, but I was feeling unsettled every time I opened my inbox — this pit in my stomach waiting for the next thing. And finally I just said, I am not going to let him exert that level of control over my day-to-day. So I went no contact. And thankfully, I've been relatively free of that coercive control for the last 11 months or so.
Tina: Now, you don't have children, correct?
Amy: Correct.
Tina: And in Amy's case, she did exactly what I would suggest. When we open those emails and texts, we have that knot in the pit of our stomach — it's right underneath the heart. Our heartbeat goes up, our anxiety levels are off the charts. One of the things I tell my clients is that if it doesn't need to be communicated, treat it like a gray rock — just drop it and walk away. Because by continuing the conversation, you continue to feel the way you are.
In your case, Amy, he's the one who decided he wanted the divorce, correct?
Amy: Yep.
Tina: So you got to go through that shock and awe of everything. Generally, there's one person who wants the divorce, and they come in and tell you — but they've been thinking about it for months, if not years. Because they've been thinking about it for so long, they're already ahead of the healing curve. And here you were, getting shocked with "I want a divorce." Like you said, you were eating crackers — and then you pulled up your bootstraps and made lemonade out of lemons.
Now, I don't know how many people understand what a real estate broker is. Can you explain that?
Amy: Yes, and full disclosure — I'm actually not a licensed broker, but in Massachusetts, they use the terms interchangeably. You'll hear someone call an agent a broker and a broker an agent. It just happens, and it kind of flew with Breakup Broker, so it all worked for me. In general, I work for a broker — someone who is almost like the buck-stops-here person who enforces the guidelines and rules. One of my teammates is an associate broker, so I am surrounded by many brokers. I just don't actually have that license myself. It's almost like a next level of licensing in the real estate space.
Tina: And the difference between a real estate agent and a real estate broker is additional coursework and a license — taking a test. But in your case, you can help people sell and buy houses in other states as well?
Amy: Yes. Even if you are a broker, you're licensed by state. But what we can do is leverage our professional networks. So I can call my agent friend Wendy in Florida, who I adore, and say, "Hey Wendy, I have a client. I know you're well versed in the divorce real estate world. I'd love for you to help her." And so that client who needs to sell a house in Florida talks to Wendy, and Wendy takes care of it. We refer business back and forth that way.
Tina: And that's cool, because I use a realtor in every single divorce case. My clients are already pouring money into attorneys and everyone under the sun, so having a realtor come in and do comps on the home — a free estimate of what the house is worth — gives them something they can actually use in their divorce proceedings as proof of value. So having you in my back pocket is huge, because you've got people all over the place too.
Now, what are some of the questions you get when women come to you in the middle of their divorce?
Amy: Sure. I always disclose I'm not a therapist nor an attorney. I will talk real estate all day long and I will be a listening ear, but I can't give legal or financial guidance. In general, we talk about their buckets of needs. What do you need right now? Do you need to stay in this house? Are your kids in school? Do you work around the corner? What are the things that make you want to stay — and if you do want to stay, can you afford it? Or if you don't want to stay, can you afford to leave? What options exist?
Because everyone's situation is so drastically different — not just in what they can afford, but in what they want. Some women are like, "I never want to see inside that house again. I just want to move out, put floral wallpaper up, and have my space." So it's about what do you need, what do you want, and what's actually possible.
And then there's the logistics, but also the emotions. If you want to sell your house, let's talk about how that's going to feel — because it's a process. We've got to pack up 20 years of memories, kids' toys, hash marks on the doorframes. Helping them through that almost unburdening of the emotional piece of the house is really important. But I need to understand where they are on the spectrum — are they an emotional basket case, or are they at "yeah, whatever, get me out of here"? Because they're all across that spectrum.
Tina: And kids are resilient — way more resilient than we are, as long as we love on them. Some of the things I do with my clients is say, just take the kids with you when you go look at the new place. Let them pick their room. Let them see the park nearby. We've got to change the mindset of where we're trapping ourselves.
Amy: 100%. When you remove yourself from that energy and that vibe, your nervous system finally takes a vacation. It's like — I can breathe again. I can think clearly again. Because all that negativity just shadows everything.
Tina: So what are some of the other things you talk about when women are deciding whether to sell and possibly even buy?
Amy: A lot of the concern comes in whether they're going to keep their house or sell and buy alone. There are a lot of "what ifs" — what if the basement floods, what if the electricity goes off? And I want to shake them and say, you are the most capable human being and YouTube exists. Everything is figureoutable. I've fixed appliances I had no business fixing — I Googled it, tried some things, and poof, it got fixed.
I think we worry about traditional gender roles — "the man takes care of the house, how am I going to know what contractor to call?" And I say, I'm a resource. You have friends who are resources. You're not alone. Your basement's not going to flood, your roof's not going to go, and you're not going to get termites all in the same week. So let's take a breather, and when something does come up, we figure it out.
Tina: So when people are buying a new home, what are some of the things you help them look for?
Amy: That's a long answer. We have some conversations before we even step foot in a place — what are your non-negotiables? Bedrooms, bathrooms, square footage, garage, yard? And then I always want to make sure they don't overspend. Banks will approve you for a really large amount, but you probably want to pull that back a bit because you want to still go on vacation and have nice dinners out and not be house poor. Budget creep is real — they scroll Zillow and then I get a call about a house $100,000 over their budget. I have a duty to them to respect what they've laid out.
And practically speaking — if you're a single woman, do you really need 6,000 square feet, six bedrooms, and seven bathrooms to clean, maintain, and repair? Probably not, even if you could afford it. What does your day-to-day living actually look like, and how does this space serve that? Those are the things I try to gently encourage them to think about.
Tina: So one thing I want to touch on before we close — there has been a big change in how real estate commissions work. Can you explain that for our viewers?
Amy: Yes. Historically, if you're selling a home, your agent would say, "My fee is 6%. I'm going to keep 3% and give 3% to the agent who brings the buyer." So the seller is paying 6% total. Well, there were some lawsuits, and the upshot is that sellers felt they didn't have control over what was being given to the buyer's agent. So now, when representing a seller, the fee for your agent's services is negotiated separately — say 3%. And when offers come in, the buyer's agent can request that the seller cover their commission as part of the offer. So there's more negotiation around commissions now. But at the end of the day, the money most often still comes out of the seller's pocket — it's just that they have more control over how much they're giving.
Tina: So Amy, how can viewers find you?
Amy: The easiest is thebreakupbroker.com — you'll find a little blurb about who I am, what I do, and some ways to contact me. On Instagram and Facebook I am @theAmySlate. Pretty easy to remember. You'll see a lot of coffee and cats and hopefully some travel soon, and a fair amount of houses.
Tina: And Amy's last piece of advice for our viewers?
Amy: Assemble a rockstar team. Don't be afraid to look high and low and find the right person who is a fit for you and who can get the job done — whether that's an attorney, a coach, a financial advocate, a real estate agent, a lender. You're going to have a baseball team's worth of people in your corner looking out for your best interests and supporting you through the process. Get those people on your side early.
